Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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