I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
