they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
