what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
operation harelip BJ is a go
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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