And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
