No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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