I think I won the penis lottery.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
