I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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