she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want to fling myself into the sun
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
