I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
only you would photoshop your dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
