I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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