FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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