he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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