I am in a vortex of obligation.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
