Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
