I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
