Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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