Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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