if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're too hungover to prance.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
