dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
