just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
