My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
