please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
