God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hippo gnu deer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
