I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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