; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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