I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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