I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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