he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
