16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
