I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He did a backflip because drugs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
