well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im holly from the hills drunk
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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