the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
