Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
