Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
