I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.