i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not