After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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