Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

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  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (2400) Bad night (2789)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.

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  (503): the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me. http://tfl.nu/obxv
  Replies (38) Good night (5497) Bad night (970)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes

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  (618): Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes http://tfl.nu/lxst
  Replies (12) Good night (563) Bad night (3996)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.

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  (732): my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum. http://tfl.nu/6d6p
  Replies (37) Good night (820) Bad night (9177)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar

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  (732): i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar http://tfl.nu/z6xf
  Replies (9) Good night (3318) Bad night (891)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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  (267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a
  Replies (5) Good night (2689) Bad night (1377)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

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  (412): Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day. http://tfl.nu/ky2l
  Replies (6) Good night (1889) Bad night (987)
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  (805): View more from California

  No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear

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  (805): No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear http://tfl.nu/ak00
  Replies (5) Good night (1635) Bad night (1291)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia

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  (613): I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia http://tfl.nu/64az
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (599)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?

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  (260): It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed? http://tfl.nu/04go
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"

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  (250): His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer" http://tfl.nu/we03
  Replies (5) Good night (1287) Bad night (586)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv

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  (317): His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv http://tfl.nu/yd6c
  Replies (2) Good night (883) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.

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  (+61): He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it. http://tfl.nu/xk8c
  Replies (2) Good night (893) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.

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  (937): It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick. http://tfl.nu/017k
  Replies (3) Good night (529) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace

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  (469): I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace http://tfl.nu/grfb
  Replies (1) Good night (164) Bad night (294)

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