Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face