I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra