You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.