farters have to be the big spoon...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me