is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
