You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
