"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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