You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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