Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
