i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize