This is not my ceiling
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
