guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
