I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
