You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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