i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
