He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Less talking, more tequila
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
