I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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