i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
