I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
