Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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