I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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