just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
