so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i've created a new STD.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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