I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
