if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
