woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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