yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
