I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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