is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
