I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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